pinkacm

I feel like a hollow version of my old self. I mean yeah, life should be more then what I had. Or what I lost. But I can't seem to grasp the reality of things. Like why does a small, simple, fixable problem feel so... Never ending. You learn something new everyday right? So why do I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Going throughout my days with nothing changing. If I want something to change I have to go out and do it right? Why can't I find this motivation? Is it the loss of friends? No. I made that decision on my own. People say they care. But do they really? Is your impact on their life such an important factor to them? No. The answer is no.

I shut myself away. Hide from all of them. I no longer have friends. Its not that I can't make them. Or that no one likes me. There would be more then just a few people ready and willing to be there for me... But I hate them. I should want to hang out with the people I once called family. Its too much work. Being fake. I'm not who I was. No one I ever want to to be again. I was a fool. So meek. Now I'm all alone. By my own accord. And I couldn't be happier.

I don't want to be a replacement. He says I'm not. Far different from her. Her... She managed to break him. Hurt him when she wasn't even his. I want to be his. Want to be loyal to only him. But he told me No. Told me that I am too sweet. That he would only hurt me. is he lying? We both have terrible track records. 2 months. Both get bored. I want to be his. I want to be his. Now i am. But as his "best friend." A title that onced belonged to her... I don't want to be a replacement. he says I'm not. yet why do i feel like i am?

Someone find me. I feel lost. I feel scared. I can't seem to shake this fear. I'm scared. I want OUT.

I feel likes my model's been discontinued. My shelf life has expired. No one wants me. They just walk on by. Don't notice me. Just because I am a little out of date Doesn't mean I'm no good! Look inside the box I'm more than just a pretty packaging. More than the glitter you see on the outside. Yet people won't see that. Because. My model's been discontinued...

Put holes in my body! I wamt more! let me feel something. I love the pain! Two more tomorrow. Oh i love piercings!

I am alone. yet there are people in this room. They are talking to me? I can't tell. between them and the voices speaking in my head. Wait... someone said my name. What is my name? Focus. on a face. on anything. Hold on... there's a person. Female. pretty maybe? I can't tell. my vision is clouded. She looks some what like a monster. I stand to get a closer look. this is when I realise this person that I see is just a reflection of me...

Time ceases to exist. Everything seems to stop. I close my eyes. Yet I can't seem to let go. Who am I? I don't even know. Why am I here? Questions that I can't seem to answer.